Let’s Talk About Sex…With Our Kids

Everyone’s heard about “the talk”, you know- that one with the birds and the bees? I remember watching a sitcom in high school and the parents in the show were discussing when they would have “the talk” with their children. As a teenager, I had figured out most of these topics on my own, with admittedly quite a few inaccuracies. My sources were friends, and eventually the internet. Let’s just say reliability wasn’t a factor in my information gathering journey.

As a mom, I put some thought into this in a new way. I knew I didn’t want my children to be on their own when figuring out their bodies. I also didn’t want to make “the talk” something that my kids hated and made them too embarrassed to hear. I wanted a conversation where they could feel comfortable asking questions and create a safe place for them to go if they got confused.

So with my feelings around parenting and my knowledge of child development, I made a plan. My children would get information naturally during conversations. Questions would be answered in ways that they could understand, giving an appropriate amount of information. I would be really honest if I didn’t know an answer, and we would decide together how to find out more information.

But, that idyllic conversation just isn’t balanced with reality. Bodies and sex are funny. It’s an uncomfortable conversation and forcing it to be as normal as talking about what is for dinner is just unrealistic. I had to add some silly and upbeat vibes to my thought process to really get my kids into “the talk”.

And luckily for me, it came up organically. My son said he wanted our cat to have kittens. That was my in! So I told him why our female cat couldn’t just have kittens without meeting a male cat. And he was totally grossed out, and we laughed together. He asked if that was true for humans as well. When I confirmed that, he was even MORE grossed out. But I let him be. It’s gross to think of your parents making a baby when you are nine years old.

But the conversation was light and full of acknowledging the discomfort of it all. It built a bridge so that we could build on the conversation later. But what really struck me was that my then five year old daughter was into the conversation too. And my two-year-old was taking in as much as she was able.

This silly conversation made it so we never had to have “the talk” and sex, bodily functions, periods and anatomy were just a topic we could talk about whenever there were questions. I get a bit more detailed with every conversation and read their cues to know when I’ve gone far enough. But assumptions of children’s lack of ability to understand big topics is just wrong. They can understand if we present it in age appropriate and palatable stages.

For more on my philosophy and some talk tracks to get you through this complicated topic, join us for a free workshop Let’s Talk About Sex on June 26th at noon where I’ll discuss the sex talk in more detail. It’s never too soon to start communicating with your kids about bodies and sex and I’d love to help you through it.