Why Chore Charts Fail
If you're like me, you've probably tried many types of chore charts over the years—ones with rewards, stars, money, or tangible toys. However, they often seem to fall short.
So, why do they fail? The reasons can be simple, like developmental readiness or consistency in how parents follow through. But there's also a bigger question: What is the purpose behind the chore chart?
Are you trying to teach responsibility and life long self-help skills?
Are you looking to offload some of the daily mental load?
Or are you simply ready to hand off some responsibilities to your kids?
Understanding the "why" behind wanting your kids to do chores is the first step. Once you have that clarity, you can begin thinking about how to approach chores and the language you use around them.
Key Questions to Consider for Chores:
What are the expectations for the chores (what tasks, how often, etc.)?
Do your children know what the chores are?
Have they been taught how to do each chore?
How flexible are you with the outcome?
Do you want the chore done exactly as you would do it, or can your child complete it in their own way as long as it’s done well enough?
Step One: Expectations & Implementation of Chores
Choose the Chores: Decide which chores you'd like your child to do.
Set a Timeline: When do you want them completed? Daily or weekly?
Teach the Chores: Make sure your children know how to do each task.
Set Family Expectations: For example, each family member has four chores, and everyone works together to complete them.
Step Two: Language around Chores
"Notice and Do"
This approach was developed by Sam Kelly, a therapist-turned-feminist coach, from her program Little Cycle Breakers. I find her perspective on language and division of labor in the household especially helpful. The idea is to break tasks into small, achievable steps.
Here’s a quick overview of her method:
The BIG 3: These are three consistent chores done every day, such as:
Making the bed
Unloading the dishwasher (assigning sections to each child)
Doing laundry (putting clothes into the hamper)
The BIG 3 remain the same each day until everyone is comfortable with the routine.
Notice and Do: In addition to the BIG 3, each day includes one task that your child notices and completes. For example, if they notice the kitchen floor is dirty, they can sweep it, or if toys are on the table, they put them away. The goal is for your child to walk around the house, notice something that needs to be done, and complete it while showing you what they accomplished.
This approach encourages responsibility while teaching kids to notice what needs to be done around the house. The BIG 3 and Notice and Do should be done consistently at the same time every day. With the understanding that eventually it will become part of the daily routine.
Free Guide on her website.
Step Three: Visuals of Chore Goals
Visual aids are incredibly helpful for setting expectations and guiding children through their responsibilities. Here are a few examples:
For Middle Schoolers: If your child is responsible for cleaning their room, post a picture of what a “clean room” looks like (e.g., bed made, clothes in the hamper, desk organized). The picture serves as a visual goal, so they know exactly what to aim for.
For Younger Children: For a younger elementary-aged child, use a picture to illustrate how you want their play area to look at the end of the day. The picture could show toys in bins, items off the floor, and artwork on the table. You might also consider creating a ‘working-on-space’ where projects like Legos, artwork, or block structures can be left unfinished until the next day. This allows them to continue their work without feeling rushed.
For Toddlers: For toddlers, you can scaffold expectations by teaching them where to put their shoes and coat when they come inside or where to unpack their backpack. Use visuals to show them these expectations and make sure the spaces are accessible for them to do it on their own.
Putting It All Together:
By combining consistent expectations, clear language like "Notice and Do," and visual aids, you’ll start to set clear expectations for your child. They’ll begin to understand their responsibility in maintaining the home, while learning important life skills along the way.
Remember, you’re teaching them something they’ll carry with them for life. And while it may take time and patience, these tools can help make the process smoother and more effective.